It's March and nothing's changed
2013-03-04 @ 16:46:57
I had an idea for my future, for my career but the thought of continuing my professional life in the same direction really does not seem like a perfect life for me. Most people just think that it is about the money and taking risks but it's not at all. I'm not afraid of taking risks or losing my money. I'm afraid of placing myself somewhere for the rest of my life with no way of getting back or somewhere where I don't fit.
About my relationship, I feel like I'm done but I keep dragging this into my horrible days and dreadfull nights when I dream the worst dreams of my life. It's easy to say: It's not about you, it's me, but the truth is, it is always about the other person. I've changed, and I keep changing and that scares me, really... The idea of us no longer together, the idea of me somewhere else than here in my room. Somewhere far without family or friends...meeting new people who I won't know if I might trust. And the hardest thing is to go through it alone. My life without him, would it be bareable? Can I do this alone? After so many years of knowing that the person is waiting for me in his car when I finish work. I used to love this idea and now I wish there would be a way that I could live without it. Can this be called love after all?
I wonder what's keeping me here and whom I owe something.
About my relationship, I feel like I'm done but I keep dragging this into my horrible days and dreadfull nights when I dream the worst dreams of my life. It's easy to say: It's not about you, it's me, but the truth is, it is always about the other person. I've changed, and I keep changing and that scares me, really... The idea of us no longer together, the idea of me somewhere else than here in my room. Somewhere far without family or friends...meeting new people who I won't know if I might trust. And the hardest thing is to go through it alone. My life without him, would it be bareable? Can I do this alone? After so many years of knowing that the person is waiting for me in his car when I finish work. I used to love this idea and now I wish there would be a way that I could live without it. Can this be called love after all?
I wonder what's keeping me here and whom I owe something.