No wonder
2008-03-09 @ 20:43:31
You know, lately I understood I don't know what I would like to have or like to be. I've always thought I knwe but I realised it was so stupid of mine... So my priorities have disapeared and nothing is left. Meybe I should find some new ones but why? To have some direction to head for it? To feel discipline and some duties above me? Will that help me to reach the proper things and follow the good path? Nothing is understandable.
People have always had their aims so maybe that's how it supposed to be? And just i t, supposed but with no explaination? And no one should ask about it but just believe? Nothing is understandable.
I wanted to study on C(my own abbreviation), I wanted to be with Z(I won't call him in any exact way), I wanted to have lesser friends but spend more time on reading and finding new hobbys. But IT ALL HAS CHANGED. Why, why did it happen? How did it happen? So suddenly. So unexpectedle. So confusing! How come?! I don't know. All has fallen apart. I have a boyfriend or a boyfriend to be which isn't Z. Lately I have promissed to myself that if I have a boyfriend I will be in a serious and a long-term relationship. And guess what, me and A won't be together for a long time so why the hell am I waisting my time on thinking of him anyway? And why am I giving hope to him? Gosh... what am I thinking? I'm also planing to start partying again and maybe to get to know someone with whom I really COULD BE 'cause me and A don't have chances to be together anyhow.
So believe me, nothing is understandable. Including my talk.
People have always had their aims so maybe that's how it supposed to be? And just i t, supposed but with no explaination? And no one should ask about it but just believe? Nothing is understandable.
I wanted to study on C(my own abbreviation), I wanted to be with Z(I won't call him in any exact way), I wanted to have lesser friends but spend more time on reading and finding new hobbys. But IT ALL HAS CHANGED. Why, why did it happen? How did it happen? So suddenly. So unexpectedle. So confusing! How come?! I don't know. All has fallen apart. I have a boyfriend or a boyfriend to be which isn't Z. Lately I have promissed to myself that if I have a boyfriend I will be in a serious and a long-term relationship. And guess what, me and A won't be together for a long time so why the hell am I waisting my time on thinking of him anyway? And why am I giving hope to him? Gosh... what am I thinking? I'm also planing to start partying again and maybe to get to know someone with whom I really COULD BE 'cause me and A don't have chances to be together anyhow.
So believe me, nothing is understandable. Including my talk.