Distorted sensory experiences
2008-08-17 @ 07:48:55
I had to evacuate myself from home because my mum had invited some guests to show them our house. I didn't want to participate all of this, I feel awkward against those people.
There are some loud waves in my head and they disturb my from thinking(alcohol works perfectly). Aside from this I have kinda feeling of guilt which, of course, hasn't been triggered by a reasonable factor. This awarness however doesn't mean it will disappear.
So here I am, thinking of today when I'll lie to my boyfr. I hate this thought.
I don't know how does it happen that I can only friend with boys. Peter, Peter, Thomas... Even having girlfriends doesn't mean a lot. I wrote an sms to Sylvia, she said it was a bad weather today so she wouldn't go out. Martha hardly ever answers me sooner than a day after my sending message. Eva's at work(I could visit her but I wanted to play bilard so I'll probably do it on Monday). As to A, M and O... lost of words(maybe that's a reason for which I isolated from them). Thomas... one short talk on gg and done. A bus at 16:09, meeting in the centre at 16:33 and doing what we want to. No plans. With boys everything's simplier I don't rule out girls but it's much harder to find a spontanious, natural and simple girl than a boy. I hope I'll manage to hamper all those fuetures in me that lead to complete responsibility and adulthood. And boredom.
But let's alter the topic. From time to time I feel I should evaluate myself. Pinpoint my own pros and cones. To me it always happens in proper moments and completely out of my own intentions. My mind is so wise that I don't even understand it ;D Today, again, someone has showed me how distorted picture of myself I have... it was a surprise in a good way. I'm said to be very self-confident person. Am I? What is interesting, it an oppinion of most of ppl whom I know but I've always thought of myself exactly on the contrary. So am I? I'd like to be so that believ could be a proper altitude.
Surprises, all the time surprises...
And now a beatuful thing.
Massive Attack - Teardrop
(love)love is a verb
Love is a doing word
Feathers on my breath
Gentle impulsion
Shakes me makes me lighter
Feathers on my breath
Teardrop on the fire
Feathers on my breath
In the night of matter
Black flowers blossom
Feathers on my breath
Black flowers blossom
Feathers on my breath
Teardrop on the fire
Feathers on my breath
Water is my eye
Most faithful my love
Feathers on my breath
Teardrop on the fire of a confession
Feathers on my breath
Most faithful my love
Feathers on my breath
Teardrop on the fire
Feathers on my breath
Stumbling a little (x2)
Ps. Hope ya know this whole silly note is caused by my present condition, feeling blissful, calm, positive, content... befuddled.
There are some loud waves in my head and they disturb my from thinking(alcohol works perfectly). Aside from this I have kinda feeling of guilt which, of course, hasn't been triggered by a reasonable factor. This awarness however doesn't mean it will disappear.
So here I am, thinking of today when I'll lie to my boyfr. I hate this thought.
I don't know how does it happen that I can only friend with boys. Peter, Peter, Thomas... Even having girlfriends doesn't mean a lot. I wrote an sms to Sylvia, she said it was a bad weather today so she wouldn't go out. Martha hardly ever answers me sooner than a day after my sending message. Eva's at work(I could visit her but I wanted to play bilard so I'll probably do it on Monday). As to A, M and O... lost of words(maybe that's a reason for which I isolated from them). Thomas... one short talk on gg and done. A bus at 16:09, meeting in the centre at 16:33 and doing what we want to. No plans. With boys everything's simplier I don't rule out girls but it's much harder to find a spontanious, natural and simple girl than a boy. I hope I'll manage to hamper all those fuetures in me that lead to complete responsibility and adulthood. And boredom.
But let's alter the topic. From time to time I feel I should evaluate myself. Pinpoint my own pros and cones. To me it always happens in proper moments and completely out of my own intentions. My mind is so wise that I don't even understand it ;D Today, again, someone has showed me how distorted picture of myself I have... it was a surprise in a good way. I'm said to be very self-confident person. Am I? What is interesting, it an oppinion of most of ppl whom I know but I've always thought of myself exactly on the contrary. So am I? I'd like to be so that believ could be a proper altitude.
Surprises, all the time surprises...
And now a beatuful thing.
Massive Attack - Teardrop
(love)love is a verb
Love is a doing word
Feathers on my breath
Gentle impulsion
Shakes me makes me lighter
Feathers on my breath
Teardrop on the fire
Feathers on my breath
In the night of matter
Black flowers blossom
Feathers on my breath
Black flowers blossom
Feathers on my breath
Teardrop on the fire
Feathers on my breath
Water is my eye
Most faithful my love
Feathers on my breath
Teardrop on the fire of a confession
Feathers on my breath
Most faithful my love
Feathers on my breath
Teardrop on the fire
Feathers on my breath
Stumbling a little (x2)
Ps. Hope ya know this whole silly note is caused by my present condition, feeling blissful, calm, positive, content... befuddled.