Night sensation
2009-03-10 @ 03:24:11
I have to be tough!
I'm in the fourth(the best) English group and so is my best friend here(she cheated from me a bit whilst taking test, whatever. At least we have exactly the same timetable). I wasn't surprised or extremely happy. I just met my own expectations.
And here I am, lying in my bed, forcing my mind in this cruelly brutal way to work just a bit longer.
From time to time I have THIS. Impression of not being able to manage. Writing tests, responses for messages from friends; solving problems with some people and talking to those who I don't want to; keeping up with own duties and coping with them; STUDYING; reducing stres; being helpful, not troublesome for this one person who needs me the most, or maybe two of them; having full effects – to keep up the inner motivation to go on like this and never let it drop!; focusing on what's important. That's a trully frightful thing created by conscious probably or something else, whatsoever.
I don't understand one subject. Am I retarded or something? Other members of my group say they don't undersand it as well but some person do. I do get it with time but it really takes much of my effort, more than it should I suspect. But does it matter? I have to know and understand. Way of achieving the goal should't have a great weight – maybe to some people. I'd like it to be so much simplier, the I'd be aware of some tallent of mine. I need that kind of stimul, I've always had.
Lately I've been fighting. To understand, to be smarter, wiser, gain some useful knowledge. Yes, it gives some not evident but slight, noticeable results. Though, I still don't catch two latest lectures. On Wednesday I have another one and there won't be aby time to prepare for. There's a big test the same day. I know I'm spending too much energy on complaining. I wouldn't do that if I had more strength to learn by heart, I mean to continue internal battle with notes and books.
I apologise my conscious, mind and ambition and especially you, who read it(if anyone does). For today I give up.
Laeve out all the rest
Laeve out all the rest
I've never been under such great pressure before. Maybe I'll explain why I got this hopefully insignificant crisis later. Or maybe I shouldn't? They say: Big girls don't cry... Well, I won't.
Sometimes solutions aren’t so simple.
Sometimes goodbye’s the only way.
[...]
And the shadow of the day,
Will embrace the world in grey,
And the sun will set for you.
I'm in the fourth(the best) English group and so is my best friend here(she cheated from me a bit whilst taking test, whatever. At least we have exactly the same timetable). I wasn't surprised or extremely happy. I just met my own expectations.
And here I am, lying in my bed, forcing my mind in this cruelly brutal way to work just a bit longer.
From time to time I have THIS. Impression of not being able to manage. Writing tests, responses for messages from friends; solving problems with some people and talking to those who I don't want to; keeping up with own duties and coping with them; STUDYING; reducing stres; being helpful, not troublesome for this one person who needs me the most, or maybe two of them; having full effects – to keep up the inner motivation to go on like this and never let it drop!; focusing on what's important. That's a trully frightful thing created by conscious probably or something else, whatsoever.
I don't understand one subject. Am I retarded or something? Other members of my group say they don't undersand it as well but some person do. I do get it with time but it really takes much of my effort, more than it should I suspect. But does it matter? I have to know and understand. Way of achieving the goal should't have a great weight – maybe to some people. I'd like it to be so much simplier, the I'd be aware of some tallent of mine. I need that kind of stimul, I've always had.
Lately I've been fighting. To understand, to be smarter, wiser, gain some useful knowledge. Yes, it gives some not evident but slight, noticeable results. Though, I still don't catch two latest lectures. On Wednesday I have another one and there won't be aby time to prepare for. There's a big test the same day. I know I'm spending too much energy on complaining. I wouldn't do that if I had more strength to learn by heart, I mean to continue internal battle with notes and books.
I apologise my conscious, mind and ambition and especially you, who read it(if anyone does). For today I give up.
Laeve out all the rest
Laeve out all the rest
I've never been under such great pressure before. Maybe I'll explain why I got this hopefully insignificant crisis later. Or maybe I shouldn't? They say: Big girls don't cry... Well, I won't.
Sometimes solutions aren’t so simple.
Sometimes goodbye’s the only way.
[...]
And the shadow of the day,
Will embrace the world in grey,
And the sun will set for you.