angryyy.
2009-05-26 @ 17:19:23
three days left. wednesday, thursday, friday - on saturday I have flight to Poland. but he can't get day off. I don't know when I can be back. we had 5 weeks for sightseeing. but he always have no free time. work, work, work. aghhhhrrrrr!!!!!! I want to see Connemara before departure. he can go with me there tomorrow. but tomorrow the weather will be bad... I check out it. I'm veeeery angry!!!! :[ In the evening will be altercation...
I observed that my english is better. I'm starting to understand what people from here say to me. in shops, on petrol stations. On Day Tour to the Cliffs of Moher I understood guide, who spoke English all day. I still don't know a lot of words... but i will learn everything, what I don't know.
I must to relax... maybe shower? at home I have only bath... I must to benefit of luxury :P ...
love is everywhere.
2009-05-22 @ 19:46:48
On the photo I can see my boyfriend. he is at work now. for a few days I must to come back home, he is staying here. sad and lonely days are coming... again something about a five weeks without him. I know, i respected it. I knew that this situation was unavoidable - a lot of loneliness, sadness, longing, tears... but I consented for it... I don't regret. I love him very much and he makes my life better, even if he is abroad, far away from me. some day we will live together. I prefer to be happy with somone, who is far away, than to suffer with someone who is near me (my ex, for example).
I love you Bart.
I try but I can't.
2009-05-22 @ 12:30:16
Yes, I am unhappy and miserable. so about what different can I write? It's hard to find something positive in this situation. most sensible... it is easy... back to Poland and end of study in 2012. law. I think I'm starting to hate it. I should stick to the point, so... I want something different. The stagnation in my house, my mother who IMO doesn't love me (she said that she can sit in my room and drink coffee, she has a free room and calmness. when I rang on Skype, she said that we have no topics, we don't have to talk about anything.) I have no friends in Poland. all my best friends and my boyfriend are here, in Ireland. I don't want to come back to Poland, when I have nobody there...
I promised Pamm to visit her. I am here since 25th of April and I didn't find time to go to Wexford. And Robert in Cork. I promised him. I can't do it now. crying shame... maybe July, August or September. I know, I'll be back here for a longer time than now.
from blog.com
2009-05-21 @ 16:33:51
15.05.2009: is there a point now?
I’m listening Michael Jackson now. ‘whatever happens’… exactly… whatever happens… I can change my life, but I’am scared. the pain is too big. what will I do? my decision can be bad. I can lose everything. I will be here 2 weeks more. all the time i think I shoul be back to Poland. but I don’t want to do it… I don’t want come back to my home, to my mother, who scream for me for everything. I don’t want to listen quarrel my mother with my brother. I hate it… I always cry at moments like this.
I’m hearing englishman behind window, my boyfriend’s brother speaks with him about something. I like to hear when some people speak english. I want to speak fast like they, understand everything… I want to work here, facilely with my secondary education -> banking and financies. Have I any chances? I’m bookkeeping. and I have 3 other acquired professions. I passed final, technical exam for a 92%. europass. but my english.. I don’t know a lot of words. I can change it. but… is there a point now…?
30.04.2009: Galway
so… I am in Ireland. in Galway, for a five weeks… from 25th of April to 30th of May. and then? who knows. my boyfriend says, that I can stay there and work here. I am very happy… I am away from home. I can relax… It’s fantastic escape from problems.here I feel free and independent. and I have my love here with me.
factory, where Bart’s (Bart is my boyfriend) brother works, doesn’t crash. they need people to work. and warehouse, where my boyfriend works. boss wants to enlarge his firm. is there some sence? is it my chance for a better life, away from place, where are a lot of problems and bad memories? maybe… I hope so…
25.03.2009: don't dream! it hurts.
I’m girl from Poland. I hate to be there. here I can’t live ease. memories, ex-boyfriend, troubles. my mother… no matter. and my boyfriend is abroad. in Ireland, 3000km away. I want to be near him. bBig distance between us is a torture. we can meet something about one time for 3 months. it’s hard. he can’t come back to Poland at this time. credit in Ireland… he bought flat in Poland. we will live there for a few years. I know it.
I would to emigrate to Ireland in September 2009. I must to speak english very well… I make everything to speak better this language. I want to find good job abroad in short time. if I come back to Poland any time, I will have excited experience. in Poland nobody wants to employ me, because I have any experience. Practise in judgement is not respected. Ehh… I have no future in this country now.
voice of my mind says: “stay in Poland”. but my heart is still dreaming about to be, to work abroad. for two, maybe three years my boyfriend want come back to Poland. and… I think, me too, with him. it’s not rationale… in Poland I need education - if I want to live abroad, I must to discontinue advanced studies in Poland. without it I have not any chances for a good job. not here…
but in times of recession I’m afraid. it’s hard to find good job, when there a lot of people lost their job. on websites write, that bookkeepers, bank clerks find a job everywhere. I have diploma, 92%. but I’m still not sure…
I don’t know, what I want. I don’t want to make mistake. I don’t want to lose all I have if I make up bad one’s mind. I don’t want to stay here with nothing.
I’m unhappy here. what should I do…? :(
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