Hi!
I know that my diary update should be done yesterday, but my computer became broken and I didin't know how turn it back, So I had to re-instal my windows 10 today :) so I am after my rehab session that I made all by myself, tomorow I will go to rehab session to E-chan, so I think it will be fun I won't have to do it by myself :) so I feel fine! Last week wasn't boring at all, but I wonder if my note will be long as before...
My younger bro ( and the older one mabe too) thinks I don't care about my family problems, and yes thats true, I try to don't care beacuse I know I can't change that situtaion beacuse I didin't make that situation, so what whould change If I cried or screamed? When I really cared everyone said that I should care about myself, when I do what they told me they called me egoistic without feelings. People and society are stupid.

In Wednesday I visted my aunt who live with my female cousin ( not the one who get married latley) who is the same age as me but have two kids ( Two girls), the older one let call her Jag-chii is very people person, she can't stop to speak ! :D I didin't have to do anything when I was babysitter for her, she only talked, created new plays.The younger one Wi-chii is quite quiet one, and she didn't want to play with me as much as Jag-chii. I colored coloring book with Jag-chii and I wonder if she treadted me as aunt or as other kid? Se also said she loves me and hugged me twice . We also went to see my new cousin house. Its about 200 meters from my aunt house. I think I could go much more beacuse I wasn't tiried at all! :) The house is very retro and cousin want to change almost evrything about the house.

On Thursday we ( I and E-chan) wanted to go to forest, but whe had to dropped to gas station to refulel my therapist car, but she made a mistake and refueld petrol insead of oli, so we had to leave the car on the station, We planned to to McDonald that is nebraly, but on the middle of our road we saw service station and they agree to repair the car, they only take from us the half of price than they should, and even fueld car with oli. :) When we waited for the car we decited to go back to the station. When we went there we brought a tasty mint-lemon juice :) When we were back car wasn't ready yet, so we waited a little bit on service station office. When we want to E-chan rehab office I walked a bit without cruthes and it suprised me in positive way :) On the friday I and E-chan finally went to forest, raod was rocky and not very easy, I was scared but I didin't give up so I am proud on myself. On the way back we went for McDrive and brought shakers :) Choco flavor for me, strawberry flavor for her it was tasty :)

What about L-kun?I know it's egositic but I am already fed up with him. Universytety ddin't accept him and now he is depressed, he didin't wan to do rehab session even for himself, he saiid he was only a toy for Eli-chan ! That he wants to die, He now is on camp but he wants to back to home... The most hurtful things he said that I'm not close to him beacuse even when I listen to him I don't solve his problems so it dosen't count so I am nothing to him! I don't even reply to his texts anymore

Now I read book called „Bardzo biała wrona” It can be translate into „ Very white crow” its about two higschoolers, fristeyear a girl named Natalia and the boy from thrid year named Norbert. They are copule but he i toxic, She can't even have female friends or talk to anyone ! Her parents atopted a little boy so they missed that their daughter has a problem, her best friend Milena also has problem, beacuse her boyfriend falled for other girl, but he dosen't cheat and said to her girlfriend that he loves another girl but want to forget about that another girl... I wonder what it ends so I go download that book again.
So take care!

Hi! I came back after very long time, many things changed, and I don’t know where to start.
Frist, I really gave up from school, but not because I was mad or something like that. On my camp on November J-kun was my main therapist cause M-kun was on hollydays and it was the best thing in my life, sorry M-kun, but J-kun is much better therapist than you! I CAN WALK BY MYSELF. Thank you J-kun! Of course J-kun still was right beside me but it was big surprise that I can walk!
On the next camp on February J-kun became my official main therapist and it’s the best choice. We decide to come back to crutches for a year or two to make my walk more proper, correct. In April camp I walked with my own crutches, but someone had to be right beside me. On my last camp in July I learned how to walk with my crutches with no one beside me! I also I know how to walk from stairs with my crutches, so I think I improved so much during that year, so I am proud on myself. My therapist from my city ( lest call her E-chan) also changed so much, she was so lazy but now become more motivated to be a good therapist, we often go outside from her rehab office. We were in the near shop,, on the beach, we went to KFC, we went also to the park, or on the biggest mountain on our city and I went there! E-chan wants to go with me to forest . Maybe because I was with J-kun on forest on my camp too? I also feel that I and J-kun grow closer on that friendly way. We can talk about everything,. He knows about my family problems, my life, I also we can talk about his life, we can joke, He even gave me some short hugs as prize for working hard, of course in a friendly way. I wonder if I complained to him too much about my problems. I also have new wheelchair, I even sent pictures when I am sitting on wheelchair to J-kun, I wonder If it was a good choice because on that pictures I wear shorts and it shows my legs so much, I don't want him thinks of me as someone who tries to flirt, especially cause now he is married man! I worry, but my logical side know that if he had any problem with it he would text me, because he is kind of person who talk about problems, so He don’t reply because he is busy as always so I worry without reason XD
What about D-kun? My crush on him is now a memory, and I now I know it was nothing serious, we even weren’t close to each other, we almost not chat to each other and when I learned he left his job I wasn’t sad at all! So my funny crush for D-kun is memory now, anyway I wish him the best in his new job.
I have new friend, but I feel like its more toxic friendship. Let’s name him L-kun. He has the same disability as me but on much more worse level than me. I meet his on camp He uses wheelchair and barley can use his hands, despite that he wants to be therapist I don’t think anyone on the camp believe it is possible but everyone tries cheering for him. L-kun adores J-kun as much as I, so that because I felt weird when I talked to J-kun about my problems with L-kun
L-kun often fall in love , mostly on female therapist from our camp. The frist was As-chan, he was sure she is in love, He said she did love with him even if she has a boyfriend. L-kun thinks her friendly hugs were something more than friendly hugs. Shortly after L-kun confessed to her , She turned that confession down and change job . He said she did that cause she wanted payrise but I don’t belive that.
Now he has crush on Eli-chan, she is another therapis and also has boyfriend. L-kun is sure she loves him too, but everyone else agress that she is just friendly to him the same as As-chan was. I am not sure how to tell him when he ask me what she feels to him.
I feel he is toxic. Even if he want “help” he got angry when he hear truth instead from what he wants to hear.
He often call me android, egoistic, he says that my duty is helping him, when I try to give some advice he says I am android , and I try to play psychologist role . He often says he will kill himself because of that I’m not helping him enough, sometimes I wanna scream to him “Okay, fine, let’s do it!” because I know he won’t do that, he only wants pity. When I have problems he only scream on me that I worry for nothing, or just leave me alone with nothing. What to do with that “friendship”?
Why I left my school after a November camp? I did that because I felt that I can’t lose my walking and I worried that sitting on wheelchair for about of half day will make my walking worse. In that time no one ever tried to stop me, maybe because of new teachers, one of them didn't want to have unofficial student in her class, second one didn't like me so much , so it was better to leave .
So, now I do my rehab session every morning alone and I am bit sad that I can/n have therapy with E-chan once a week, but maybe it will get better in the near future!
A one week ago my cousin get married ! I didn't want go to wedding party, but I went. Sister of my bro girlfriend did my hair and make up, I wore a dress, and shoes, they weren’t heels but didn't suit me cause they don’t stiffen my foot, I changed to my orthopedic shoes later and I felt better, I talked only to my other cousin who I didn't saw for long a time, for the rest time I was eating alone and for the first time of my life I drank a ilttle much wine and I felt a bit dizzy.
So I think I told you everything!
See you on next week!

Hi!
I write that update that late, cause I have no idea what I should write about, cause in the week there was more days I was absent at school than days that I was in school, so there nothing important happened.
On Monday my caretaker said for me that school looking for new caretaker for my class. But, they are looking for only for male caretaker and I don’t think that they will find someone who meets that criteria. Why ? Cause there not many male caretakers, cause is mostly feminine kind of job, plus we live in very small and pretty poor town , so it makes chances even smaller. From the one side I’m mad cause that’s means that I still won’t be even a little independent at school, but from the second side I feel like having male teacher could be fun, maybe cause now I have only female teacher? In high school I had more male that female teacher and they were mostly more easy going that female teachers.
The next day I felt pretty weak due to start of my cold again. I was sleepy I sneezed many times and I coughed. I stayed at home for the rest of the week. For the first two days I didn’t do anything cause I was too weak, but in Friday I went to my therapist. She said that condition of my body went worse, cause I didn’t have enough rehabilitation sessions. My body became more stiff, especially my legs, hands, tummy and hips. I thought about giving up my school and wheelchair, but my mom said that’s not a good idea. Maybe Tomorrow I won’t go to the school, but instead I will go to my rehabilitation.
I wonder if I should message M-kun about condition. M-kun is my main therapist on camp. I know there is still long way to November, but I don’t want lie to him, or make him mad , even we had fight on last camp. I still feel like he care about my health in his own tough way. I remember when on camp he regularly took pictures of me to see changes in my condition. I remember that he was proud of me , especially on last camp that he said my condition went better between camps. I wonder what he will tell on November. Will he be mad? Or he will act like he doesn’t care cause I’m an adult and I should paid for my mistakes?
Yesterday I made new Laura diary update. I didn’t made update on last week, so I had so much to write, mostly cause that story is strongly inspired by my life, it almost like I have two diaries : One in polish and one in English. I still don’t know my reasons.
Laura (my) attitude is mostly criticise , cause of egoism and Laura (I) have a bad temper and it makes her (me) a loner
I reported my story to special blogs where stories are rated. There were much more blogs like that in past, but blogs are more less popular due to popularity of websites like wattpad.
That’s all for today!
Take care!

Hi again!
How are you? I wonder If next week of my life will be something that you want to read about, but anyway I will write.
On Monday my mom was at my school. Headmaster said to her that impossible for me to be official student of my school, so I won’t have testes anyway. I was mad. I acted like insane person and I screamed that I don’t want go to school any more. She gave me some medicine to clam down and said Tuesday will my my last day in school if I want to. I agreed, but it was a bad idea. In Tuesday I as in totally bad mood, I even didn't say „hello”to my caretaker at school bus. I also said to my caretaker at school that I’m going to leave school . I also said to my Teacher that I will feel good only If I leave that place forever. Later teacher said that she was afraid of me. I was in that bad mood that I can’t wait for the end of the classes so I called my mom to pick me up
On the same day teacher texted me and said that everyone are waiting for me, asked why I left and she said school will fighting for test in other place, so I decided to came back to the school.
In Wednesday I decided to stay at home to clam myself down even more.
In Thursday I came back, but I couldn’t say „sorry”
Why is that I can repeat „I’m sorry” about trivial thing, but when I really need to say that then I can’t?
Anyway I tried to be as helpful as possible. I even made some medals for Teacher’s Day. My school caretaker said I don’t have to go to school when I’m at bad mood. I’m really that scary?
On the Friday was normal school day. We had English classes for the first time. I did all the tasks as first, so I get bored. It was too easy to me. Math was really hard even it it was 5th grade primary school level. I even have homework that I have to do. We (I and one of teacher) had to wait for my for my school bus longer that usual, so we were both angry cause we wanted to start our weekends already.
In that school bus some other people started talk to me. One little boy who is like 6 years old asked me:
-Why do you have sick legs?
-Because I was born like that
I wonder if that enough for little kid to know? Or I should said something more?
What about my internet life?
On the Facebook group for disabled woman I received a lot of hate. That's way I’m posting so much, and they say mostly of my post are negative. I didn't realize I;m that pessimistic.
They say I’m stupid, autistic, that I should do something with my life and they angry when I don’t do why they told me. When I said I don’t look look for help and I only want to know what they think about me they called my egoistic. When I said I don’t really care about be liked they called me stupid and asked why I’m here. They also said that my problems are not real cause there is many of them and I write a story, so that mean I can lie.
I feel like alien even when I’m with people who are similar to me
I also write some posts about my situation with D-kun on internet. All of them said that my love is one-sided. I was sad.
On the internet I met O-chan. We have many similar habits. Maybe that why because we both are introverts.
My mom said that she want go to the new camp. She said we will go there if there any free place for us If not we will go for the old camp.
I hope that we will go for the old camp even for one time
I can’t live without D-kun, J-kun and M-kun, even M-kun is going to leave, cause on the last camp in the summer he said he may be not working any more when I will go for next camp. I will text him about that.
Yesterday I felt so weak like I was going to faint, so I didn't even update Laura diary.
Today my older bro, his girlfriend, Jul-chan, uncle and aunt going to visit us.
That s all for today!
Take care!

Hi!
I don’t know where to start cause that week wasn’t anything special, so that update might be very short. And I wanted to say I’m sorry for that!
In the last Sunday I wrote message on facebook group of my class. I asked if there is any homework for monday, no one repiled, and maybe that’s stupid, but I felt like my class dosen’t care about me. Only one of my teacher messaged me that there is no any homework.
On the Monday we celebrated the Boy’s Day. I think it is bit unfair that boys could have many kinds of cakes but girls could ony ate little snacks. But thats Boys Day, do maybe it is fair?
Ani-chan said that there were many things when I wasn’t in school. They went to many, funny places. I wonder if they would go If I was there ? I felt lost again.
Teacher said that we won’t go to the trips anymore cause one of the boys acted like rebel on school swimpool trip. She said that is punishement for us. I said to her that’s unifair cause he did mistake , not all of us. She said that is fair cause we are group and even if only one of us did something bad that means all of us will pay for the mistake!
So that means if one of us would murder someone we all will go to jail?
On the same day we watched movie about hoe dangerous internet could be. After that teacher looked for every student on the google. When it was my turn I felt like I was going to die, but thankfully there were only some of my old photos.
On the next day Lady from the post office visited us and told us how post office works. Nothing intresting, so I will tell you about next day.
We don’t have have working practise on wedding palace anymore. We have them on other bulding of our school that is quite far away from our bulding ant totally not wheelchair friendly, there are stairs, but that’s not the worst.
The worst it is that we have to go there aloNe with the teachers. There is no schoolbus or special taxi for us. My teacher have to pusch my almost broken wheelchair all the time.
One time teacher called taxi and she payed it from her own money, and I feel bad cause that.
One day, after lessons , when I and Matt-kun had to wait for bus teacher gave for us some of love poem to interpretation, and we both felt very werid about that .Teachers said we look like very good as team and I wonder if teachers wants us to be friends? Matt-kun seems to have crush on one of the female teachers, so maybe thats why.
He is very nice, he help to push me my wheelchair, even if he have toruble with walking himself, but he is not my type if i have to to be honest.
On Friday i was absent at school cause I had to buy new jacket for myself.
Today is J-kun b-day I wrote a long message for him. I said why I like him and for what I’m thankfull for him. I winder If I start to have crush on him…
I started to read Aya Kito Diary again, now I want to focus more on her feelings so I cried from the start.
Tomorrow my mom will visit my school. I will have to go trought test on other place again. If i will pass them I will be officially student of my school so I will have many therapies like, speaking therapy, psychologist and rehablitation.
If I won’t pass I will have to to leave or I won’t have therapies.
Wish me a good luck and take care!

How was my week? I spent it in my house cause my cold. I said to you about it, right? My cold is fucking werid cause I feel good but I have higher temperature that I shoud have, and sometimies I feel really weak.
I wanted to read all my books from Electra Brown series, but I read only one and I stopped at the begining of second book. I think today I will start the 4th book, outside from the series .
In that week I felt like a came back to the times between after gratulating from high school and before starting new school. I spent my timie mostly front of my computer, chatting with prews, posting posts on fb groups. On the fb group I met girl . She is disabled like me. Our frist conservations was pretty fun, but after that she started to make me mad, cause she texted me , like four times on one day ! I felt like I was in the trap. I wonder what wrong with me. From the one side I wanna to be with people, but from the other side when they are too close I run away from them.
I act like a werid teenager.
I feel like my writting skills get better cause my new part of Laura diares was higly praised. Maybe beacuse I started to write about her family relationships? Mostly about Laura and her stephfather.
I came back to my roots and I started roleplay on some polish portal again. My Tomoyo is now loli on wheelchair like me. I write roleplay with one girl ( her character is male, so we do romance roleplay) but other male characters don’t wanna to have rolaplay with female characters cause male charcters care only about yaoi roleplays.
They even texted me with messages like : „Girs ale useless” or „We don’t need girls here”
Do you know what the fun thing is? The male characters are moslty created by girls
I’m so sorry that it isin’t longer, but really nothing happened in the week
Take care!

Hello!
Maybe you wonder why I am writting my update today (Monday) instead of yesterday? (Sunday)
I have a cold and I don’t feel very well. Even Laura diary was uptade in sunday instead of saturday. I wanted to do both of the things on time, but my body said „no!”
Also my mom fell from stairs and she dosen’t look and feel good as well.
Today I didin’t go to school. Tomorrow maybe I won’t go also cause my mom is afraid that my cold would get even worse. Also road near my house is in the beginning of rebulid so it’s will be harder for the school bus to come for me. I wonder how we will deal with it.
You want to know more about my past week, don’t u?
In the Monday we had short test form family connections. I think I did well. After that everyone in class said a little about our familes. My story was short, cause no one in my family is someone like hero or something like that.
I also had the two frist P.E lessons in my life. On the frist lesson we were on walk, it was so cold, but I didin’t complain cause it was fun. We were in park. We looked for some chestnuts. We found some, and we took them for the school. On the second P.E lesson we were on Gym classrom. There were some exercices that I did with the rest of my classmates, but when they did things that I can’t do I did my own exercices, and one of special needs teacher looked after me. My teachers also agreed that I can use gym class, afer lessons when I wait to schoolbus to take me home.
On the corridor some stranger girl said „hello” to me.
When I came back home I saw she sent message to me on facebook. I knew her name before. She is ex-girlfriend one of my classmates. He regullar says that he will marry her depsite that they aren’t couple anymore xD She ( let’s call her little monster from now!) asked me If I like her and If I will give her my mobile phone number. I said I don’t like her beacuse I don’t know her. Little monster said that it dosen’t matter , and we will meet in school tomorrow.
I hoped she will forget, but the next day one of my classmates had his 18th b-day, so we went to main hall with him. All school was invited and alsmost everyone had a piece of b-day cake (it was tasty!) and I saw the Little monster. Depsite she is 3rd year middle school student she act like more 7 year old girl. She wanted to hug me and patted my head and she was very angry when I chatted with other people (especially her ex)
Do u want to know what with the boys who has crush on me?
B-kun still look at me with creppy smile. I think Playboy-kun gratefully stopped to crushing me. Before he messaged me on fb very often, but now he stopped. I’m happy! It might be cause one day he tagged me on the photo. I wasn’t on the photo as well as the other 2345 people that he tagged. I wrote a comennt and it was like „ Do you looking for likes?” He deleted my comennt quickly and untagged me as well. Since then he dosen’t text me anymore yay! :D
On wedensday I was absent in school cause I had to take care about something relate to my Disablity living allowance. I also was on libary. I took 4 book with myself. 3 of them was my favorite series about UK teenager Electra Brown. The 4th book is something new. And I wonder when I will read all the books...

I also was on supermarket and I was super flustrated cause I hate shopping so much.
I also visited my older bro and I saw Jul-chan for the frist time. She looks like little sumo fighter. When I was there she only was drinking milk and slept She had closed eyes when she was doing all the thinkg and sadly I coludn’t see her eyecolor.
Also my mom said that on november we will go to the camp. I hope it will be the same place as before. I even texted J-kun. He said he is sorry that he couldn’t respond to my ever message cause he is busy and he said he is very happy that I will go to the camp again, and he want to have some tharapies with me, and he will ask his boss to make it
On the next day Ani-Chan sat next to me on the bus when we were on road to the wedding palace. I realized I enjoy that small talks that I’m having with her from time to time.
On cooking practise we did vegetable salad. It was tasty I think. After when we were done with salad but it still was more time left for school lunch and even more time left for comeback to school, so we ( I, Ani-Chan, Kas-Chan,Matt-kun,Pa-kun, Ka-kun) played eurobuzness. I was on team with Matt-kun and the game was sooo funny. I felt like maybe the school can change my relationships with other people.
On friday, before trip to wedding palace Ani-chan gave me her mobile phone number . Something went wrong and my messages didin’t reach her. She didin’t look like she was worried and she didin’t tried again so I felt bad.
On the wedding palace we did little dolls from chestnuts that we found in park on monday. I was impatient cause my dolls broke down on my hands many times , especially my matchstick that should my dolls arms and legs. Also my cold statred, so I was moody to that level when teachers started to ask whats wrong with me.
After making dolls there was time to play eurobuzness again. I didin’t want to play with others. My teacher said to me I need to play, cause they need temas, so I agree, but I was sad that no one of classmates asked something like „Hey wanna play with us?” or „Whats wrong?” I feel like they still don’t care about me. The game wasn’t fun as before.
When we came back to school we had some polish grammar test. It was quite easy for me.
When I went from school bulding to bus, one 3rd year middle school student went with me and bus caretaker, It was nothing unusual cause we always take the same bus. Let’s call him Little Rebel cause he has the same name as J-kun.
Little rebel called me stupid cause I didin’t appcet his games invitation on facebook. After that he started to sing some vulgar songs about sex. Caretaker didin’t react at all. When we were on bus he caled little elementary student a stupid bitch cause she dosen’t use facebook. No one expect me reacts to that behaviour.
When I was on home my mom said that someone called me. They want me to go to working practise for 3 months. I would to segeregate documents, but I would have to quit school for that. I wonder what is better. Both school and work practise don’t give me degree, both give me practise. I don’t know what to do. I posteted some posts on interntet about that. Half of people are about more work practise cause it’s more adult-like and will give me money, the second half are about school cause it’s more stable and will give me more practise. I am more about school as well.
On staturday I was mostly reading frist from Electra Brown Series and I started to write new note about Laura life. My mom also felt from stairs that day. I was worried. I stll I am
On staturday I finished new Laura diary update, I chatted with some random prevs on chats and Little monster texted me and she said if I don’t text her back she will be mad.
And I didin’t text her back :D I am so mean.
And what about today? I still read books, I still chatted on internet, and I wrote that update more than half of day :D
Thats all for today!
Take care!

Hello Again!
I don’t know where to start. My week wasn’t anything special, but I want update that blog regullary.
I decited to came back to school. Many people said it’s a good choice. Somewhat I feel like it too, but I still don’t feel close to that people there. Some of the kids in the class makes me like I don’t know how to act around them, cause some of them are deeply mentally disabled.
Uncomfy feeling.
But from the other side, there are kids that act almost „normal people” but anyway I still don’t feel connection with them. Only one things they are talking about are polish tv series and disco polo music ( disco polo is polsh version of italo disco). Teachers want us to do many things as possible. They play in eurobussnes with us when we are waiting for the schoolbus, they wanna to take us to swimpool. We were on filed trip in forest, but it wasn’t anything special. The road was too hard to go for me. In the end I had to wait for the rest in the halfway.
It was so cold and I was so angry that I have to wait for other when there were so cold! An they didn’t even find any muhrooms, only some old leaves and dead mouse. In the last weeks, only we,the girls group had working practise in wedding palace, and I really prefer it that way. I know I sound mean but there is better without boys in the class, no drama, no stupid jokes, and there is no B-kun who is always looking with me with the creepy look…
When our girlsgroup was on the wedding palace we did the basic cake. I wonder how it taste, beacuse we didin’t have chance to eat it. We were on the walk, we vistited park and we ate snacks. It was fun even when girls were talking about tv series.
Tomorrow I will have test. It will be about family members relationships. I feel like I’m in primary school again,
Anyway I have to bring my family photos as well.
I have no will to go to that school, but I have no will to spend all my time in house
Tomorrow teachers will give us our texbooks and maybe uniforms as well. I saw a peek of my uniforms. It was when other teacher who is friend one of my teacher came in the class and she opened all lockers in the classroom. Uniforms look kinda like japanese blazer uniforms. One of our teachers also gave us some cheap toy-like rings. It was nice, but I lost mine in the schoolbus, so I was a bit sad. The same teacher also said that she dosen’t want her student to invite her on facebook, but the other day I saw her profile and she apcceted all the students from our class, but not me, lol.
One of my classmates texted me on facebook. He never talked to me in the school, but on facebook he asked me if he should break up with his girfriend when he likes another girl. I can’t take him serious, beacuse he is the playboy type, and he change girfriend in every week.
I can’t help, but I can’t feel close to my classmates, I don’t even know If I want to be close to then…
I only close to to my internet peers and my therapists from the camp.
I started to think about J-kun more. But not in romantic way! He is so nice, such a gentelman, ha cares even me, he even texted me on facebook between camps. I’m not sure if I will go there again and it makes me sad.
But having crush in J-kun would be only a little bit less hurting than having crush on D-kun. J-kun has a girlfriend, he still is my therapist and he is like 8 years older than me.
My Neice, Jul-chan was born. I d’d like to see her but my mom says is not the time yet. I only saw her on photo and she looks more like my sister-in-law than my brother. Anyway she looks cute.
I guess I will end here for today. Thats my boring life!

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