I've never thourht of breaking the boudaries in myself...hmmm but I did! today. the thing that were unacceptable by me and loved by other become so familiar...i absolutely love that! and to be honest i feel much better about myself i did really want to do it.
there's a lot to change, and also there's many chances you can do it so why you not doing it...that's me and my low self-esteem.
it's about people, sex-yes! not always enjoy it, everyday stuff.
but I am quite proud of myself! did it

I noticed how often I don't want to admitt my real feelings, I do really miss my little motherland but insted of letting myself down and spend another evening drinking, eating an crying with homesickness I expalin myself it's better, not only for myself...a bit complicated...It's all about replacing the most difficult feeling with them that are so convinient....How bad is that....:(

I realised how often I hate myself so much for being ME. I do really like watching people, I am very good at details, like to judge them, just for myself, and place in the right 'draw'. Among that, I don't like myself but like everybody else. It's the key to being happy isn't? how to fell in love in myself?

can you say what would u do in one particular situation?... I said so and find out something interesting... something made me really think about human nature. It's unpredictable...

it's all about leaving and comin' back. That's all. it's mostly caused by these that cannot be easily described. it's all my emotion that I experience every day ,that I even suprised about its range. I know women are weird but they don't realise they doing it, are they?... I do...happy, excited, down and up again. and that;s why Life is beatifull...as long I got my aim, and follow my guidelines. as long I don't brake that moral guidelines that are inside....

I know, i am not very constant in my notes.. that's me.:) ok, and this time I'am not going another promise..:)
Nothing changed. I am few days older, was crying a bit more than usual. I can really say what I am doing. It's inside me, I just can't get rid of that. I still don't know what actually make me behave like that. A bit of selfish, thinking about myself as the only one on this f... world. There is one sure thing I can say about that. This i sa good explanation...yes! that help me stay 'normal' for another few days, or maybe weeks. I know it'll come back. If so, I'll find another explanation..............

today is the real back to these images. I was try to defence myself and show everybody how strong I am. But I am not. First time since I left I was crying. Today. That song made me cry. How touchy I am? Very. What is that wall for then? Be there, keep yourself busy, try be the best and show you not the worst. How bad is that? Can't I scream and say what I really feel today? no. they would never understand you.

I want to be there, In the place I left few years ago. was it really my choice? Sorry, but you can say 'no' now. I was so sure at that time. And I know what made me stay and be away from them I love...It was love. which is the real one? Is there any? it remains to be seen...

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being there and miles away at the same time...how weird is that