It has already been seven!
2010-06-28 @ 20:47:26
The same as the title.
Nettled ;/
2010-06-24 @ 22:46:00
One more thought had banged on my mind's door and finally got through..She's here..and I'm about to have a kip..but there will be no characters..no stories..it's over..And all because of a damn ring 8|
..no time to discriminate..hate every mother* that's in your way ;)
2010-06-24 @ 22:34:06
Ok..so apparently I loathe the last days of my work..the fewer people..little time..no book materials.. everybody's so tired..it surprises me that they even show up.. I guess they must like me ;)
But seriously..didn't realise how tired I am..now, with so much time on my hands, it's harder to get up and do anything useful..so I simply slack off..and I'm loving it ;>
However..
..need to go to work tomorrow..it's half past 10 and I've still no idea what to do.. everything seems pointless..not fond of classes like the one I have in the morning..2 people can't say a word..1 knows 'something' and 1 actually knows something..um..kill me..kill me now..
Manson is the best for a good mood ;)
Crestfallen
2010-06-21 @ 23:48:36
It's vexatious how I can't get down to things.. So much stuff awaiting to be handled..so many pages need to be printed..CSS won't write themselves..Unfortunately, the lack of will prevents me from doing any of these..So I'm stuck here..growing restless..can't start getting ready..can't turn in..arghhh ;/ Every 5 seconds or so I'm telling myself to get a grip and I start doing something and then a moment passes and I'm back again in this..numb state I can't seem to get out of ;/ Oh, for crying out loud..what the hell's wrong? I feel so dejected..can't put my finger on why..I just do..feel like doing absolutely nothing..Seems like the fewer classes I have the less strength I manage to gather to go on..I should be happy - holiday's almost here..a holiday I haven't had for years (sic!) and yet the void..nah, I'm fine..I guess I'm just weary..deflated..Come tomorrow, things will look up, right?
To cheer myself up:
the Dark Queen
2010-06-17 @ 23:21:56
There's something about Her that used to scare the hell out of me..Well, it still does..at times..when She rose, my feelings would go ballistic..heart would slow down..thoughts would scatter..and Sadness would knock on my door..that was when I would take out a razor blade..that was when I would write on my skin..and then a hot shower..to - ironically - wash away the pain..wash away the bad thoughts..to breathe life into me..
Scarred.
Nowadays She brings hope..a sort of relief..She's something I await..no matter the situation..when the right time comes, She unveils the formidable land of deceit..made-up characters..never-coming-true stories..there's no 'I' .. no 'me' .. no (...) I'm so damn fond of those precious moments..those seconds before Morpheus claims my will and my mind..
Feels like dying over and over ;|
So the thing is..
2010-06-15 @ 17:14:03
..for months now I've been in two minds about this..had others known, they would've thought I was crazy..or worse.. I mean, hell, what is there to think about? You either sit down and do it or you don't. Simple as that. Well, no, that's not so straightforward..Not with me..Not with my history..
I don't have any skeletons in the cupboard..no secrets whatsoever..but I'm scared like hell I can be wrongly suspected I do..I don't..but there are some thoughts that are threatening to burst my skull..thoughts that my mind apparently can't handle..thoughts which are meant to be written not spoken..I don't want to talk coz there's nothing that can be talked about..nothing that - when wrapped in words - will make sense..So, despite the gut-wrenching fear, I've made up my mind..that's why I'm here. That's why, more often than not, I'm going to return..
Again
2010-06-13 @ 18:36:35
It's funny how sometimes thoughts demand to be wrapped in words.. For months there's nothing..silence and emptiness and then one day..big bang..one sentence..one word..one sigh and you're there again..screaming inside your head..So yeah, here I am again..
I'm thinking I will never set free from this.. guess that's what inability to communicate does to you..reckon it's easier that way, isn't it? I mean, how on earth could you sit opposite the other person and say these things..the things that eat you up alive..and how could you look them in the eye and expect everything to be the same? How can you live being aware they know? It is not that easy. Never has been ;/
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