2008-10-02 @ 14:47:30
The topic is about my life in last months. Everything's changes - this is the one certain thing in people's existence. There's nothing more you can expect like this simple truth...
The most beautiful situation in last time was our engagement - Silvan asked me to marry him, it was really unexpected - I was just after work, tired, dirty and it was in the market place, where I work sometimes. Sylwek is probably the most unconventional man in the universe. For him it was no problem, he thinks that every moment is right for expression of feelings. He was so sweet... And it's amazing feeling, for me the best in all my life. One week later we made a party for our family and told our parents about our decision. They were surprised but not really.
Unfortunately that time of pure happiness ended so quickly - 1.5 month later my Grandma passed away. She was one of my closest people, and the best person I've known anytime. She died calmly, she knew what happens, she leave us because she wanted that. I know she is in better REALITY. All her life she trusted to God - now I believe, God gave her peace without pain and sorrows.
I wish I knew for sure that my Grandma is happy there, in heaven... I hope so...
2008-06-17 @ 23:31:37
"Chastity is a virtue (like courage or honesty) that applies to a person’s sexuality. It means that you take all of your sexual desires and order them according to the demands of real love. For example, when you love a person, you make whatever sacrifice is best for them and you do whatever is necessary to keep from harming them. Chastity means that you take this definition of love and apply it to sex.
Some people think that chastity simply means “no sex.” But that’s abstinence: focusing on what you can’t do and can’t have. Chastity is what you can do and can have, right now: a lifestyle that brings freedom, respect, peace, and even romance—without regret. Chastity frees a couple from the selfish attitude of using each other as objects, thus making them capable of true love".
I know, this is a specific topic... Today it is no popular to speak about it. But I would like to know, what people think in this matter.
What is the reason of my today curiosity? So... My friends are going to get married in August. I'm bridesmaid. I mean... I would like to be bridesmaid. But in our Catholic Church bridesmaid mustn't live with her partner (and especially make sex with him), otherwise they can't obtain an absolution and take Communion... It is important for me and my friends.
Now I don't know what to do. I would like to be in order. To my friends, but to God too. Long time before I thought chastity is important in life, because of further life (in marriage). Now I know, it is very, very hard to do.
Is there somebody, who wants tell something about it?
why do people hurt?
2008-06-15 @ 17:22:44
"When we really see other people as they are without taking it personally, we can never be hurt by what they say or do". (unknown)
Sometimes I think some people are despicable. Some of them hurt you conciously, intentionally. It hurts especially when close people do this. Like my friend, Eve. She felt in love with one guy, who has a wife and who treats Eve as a substitute. I hate him. He's abominable (physically and mentally), and he lies - when his wife found out about his romance, he denied everything! He told to her wife, that Eve is just internet acquaintance!, and that he never saw Eve personally! That's not true, they have romance from 1.5 year, they plane to be together! But he is too cowardly for this, he doesn't want to leave her wife, cause: 1. he doesn't work (has imaginative problems with his health) and doesn't want leave his provider, 2. he's just scared of his parents. He's miserable...
But Eve is under his great control. He's just emotional blackmailer, he still impact on her feelings of guilt, everytime he tells her, that she can't leave him, because he will kill himself, or another way - he asks her to stay with him, because of his invalidity (disability).
The worst thing is, that she doesn't want open her eyes and see, who exactly is the man, whom she loves. And finally, she leaves all the people, she was close with before. She hurted me, when she told me, that I am selfish and don't want happiness for her. That is ridiculous - she was my best friend from ages and I always wish her the best! But I can't tell her, that she is right in this situation - and that the reason, why she doesn't want our frienship now.
Last summer I invited her to me (I was living in London that time), and Eve spended 3 weeks there, and she had no time to speak with me, what is wrong with our friendship! I don't know, if she likes London - she told me nothing about it. She just told, that I did wrong with this invitation, because she had to be far away from her sweetheart! (sreeeetheart! - sorry for this).
Today it hurts especially, because I spoke with our friend, and Eve told him, that it is my fault. i can't understand, why people can be so mean, and why it is so easy to betray somebody, who know you many years... and who was with you in good situations and in bad too... I know, sometimes happens situations like this, but I can't understand it. Friendship - for me it was something great, something permanent. i was big fool. It is just one person in my life - my boy-friend - who never betrayed me. And now I am sad, but I enjoy too - because of my Honey, and because I don't have to accept and their situation and her sick guy. It's her life and what she does now, it will have painful consequences in the future. Nobody can do something. I wish her luck but I don't want friendship like that anytime.
Something about us.
2008-06-13 @ 23:41:46
I never wrote blog in English before. In fact, my experience with written English are some forms, when I have tried to get job in London two years ago. But now i think I should try write in this language. There are at least two reasons for this: first, I know, I will live in London for few years, after my study (I will finish it in next year), my boy-friend lives there 4 years, and he doesn't want live in Poland - in this situation I will go London again; second - my English is bad, especially grammar, (especially using past tenses!), but I think, blog writing is good idea, when you learn - other people read what you write, and - if they want - can help you to improve style and give you useful feedback; that's why I will try to do this.
This note will be about Sylwek. He's my best friend and partner. Today he told me, that he was in Polish Consulate in London... and he will go Poland in July! That's great news- last time he was in our country in 2004... We spoke about his visit before - in August my soulmate (Ewa) get married with Damian and I'm bridesmaid , and Sylwek, of course, is invited too. But today he told me when exactly he will be here. I like it ;)!
Sylwek is wonderful person - wise, talkative, sociable, warm-hearted, honest, calm... He never was selfish - I know what I say, I know him 12 years - he never betrayed me. He is my best friend from many years. After his departure I have understood, that he's the one man, I really fell in love. it was... uh, it was really strange and sad, because he was there, and second - we never spoke about it, we were JUST friends, and I was really scared what would be his reaction...
One day he invited me to go London. It was two years after his departure. I went to him. Sylwek knows me very well and I suppose he had seen what is in my heart, I mean - what type of feelings are deeply in my heart. And... he had similar feelings too! It was amazing. That holiday he told me, he didn't want break our friendship or confidence. But... we both decided to start new period in our relationship - beeing as a couple. And it was the best decision we made ever!!! ;). We are together from that time, almost two years. This summer we would like to engage. We know us 12 years, and we are sure ourselves ;). And the most important thing is: we are still best friends! Some people mean, that friendship and love can't be together. We thougt the same before. But know, when we decided to do this, we are really happy. Sylwek often says: "the most beautiful thing in the world is Friendship in Love"! I agree with him in 100%! ;). Our friends didn't believe us, that we decided to change dramatically character of our relationship. But now, when they see us... nobody is thinking that we make bad choice.
We believe in God. And we are sure, it was His decision, which He made long time before our one. He gave us time to understand about our feelings, and then He gave the place (London)... Probably we needed that loneliness, time to reflection... that's why we are grateful because of our relationship. Thanks to God for everything, for many years of our friendship. He knows well, what He should do and which circumstances are best for His ideas ;).
"Even a very small degree of hope is enough to cause the birth of love." - Stendhal.
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