Two months. For two whole months I haven’t written anything. I’m really very sorry that I didn’t comment on your posts last time I was here back in March but I simply haven’t got enough time.

I felt restless most of the time these past two months and couldn’t focus on anything productive. I feel edgy even now as on Wednesday I have oral exam in Polish ( I don’t know if this is a correct translation of “matura ustna z polskiego”). Moreover, next week exam in English does not make me feel any less stressed. But I’ll manage. I always do. :)

The note is not very long but I promise to write something lengthy after Wednesday when the emotions cool down.

Oh. And happy birthday to me. 18 of May – something to celebrate today, though I am stuck with books for now.

Good luck for those bloggers who have A-Level Exams this year and greetings for everyone else :)

I apologize for not writing any note recently. There is just too much to do in too little time. :)

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I am angry with myself in recent times. I cannot seem to motivate. I have ‘Matura’ in a little over a month and instead of revising, I am doing everything but not studying (at least, not for the most needed subjects such as WOS and Polish). However, I am constantly writing analysis and interpretation of poetry and prose.

It is hard to obtain high score and I really don’t see myself getting these required 60%.

~~’~~’~*~*~~’~~’~~

I decided that theatre is not for me. It doesn’t get to me as the music seems to do. The actors are all sweating and excited on the scene, we (as watchers) are witnessing some creepy scene of crime or an intensive romantic one, and what with me? Completely nothing. I am unaffected. I don’t feel a thing and just sit there stony faced, waiting for the final. Hence, I decided against going to the theatre. I don’t benefit from these little escapades thus I will limit it to minimum.

I HAVE TO FIND SOMEONE WILLING TO GO WITH ME TO PHILHARMONIC. I NEED MUSIC! NOT WORDS!

I am very busy lately studying for my A-Level exams and school subjects. Sometimes it is hard to keep up and finish everything on time but I’m pleased since I haven’t been so active in years. I hope that at University will be the same. It’s good to have something that keeps you working, especially when you lack self-motivation.

But let's don’t talk about my studies…

I am planning on learning Latin. I know some basics but not nearly enough. After Matura I think I will seriously apply myself into the study of Latin language as the idea of reading many of classic writings in original is very enticing.

What's more, I am going to make true on my promise and write something in English. Maybe it won’t be perfect and mistake-free, however, it will give me more opportunity to practice my English skills.

:^)

Yesterday afternoon I had a guest. Two guests exactly but one of them, in particular, special. It was a gorgeous and absolutely adorable two years old boy. I went all crazy about him cooing and making an idiot of myself.


I love babies. I hope to have one or two, maybe three in the future. They are so curious about their surroundings, so spontaneous and innocent. And these protective feelings you feel for them- I love it.

However, it is hard to raise a child. When they learn to walk they are everywhere! You have to watch over them all the time! There’s little time for yourself left.

Still, it’s worth it.

THE LAMB
by William Blake

Little lamb, who made thee?
Does thou know who made thee,
Gave thee life, and bid thee feed
By the stream and o'er the mead;
Gave thee clothing of delight,
Softest clothing, woolly, bright;
Gave thee such a tender voice,
Making all the vales rejoice?
Little lamb, who made thee?
Does thou know who made thee?

Little lamb, I'll tell thee;
Little lamb, I'll tell thee:
He is called by thy name,
For He calls Himself a Lamb.
He is meek, and He is mild,
He became a little child.
I a child, and thou a lamb,
We are called by His name.
Little lamb, God bless thee!
Little lamb, God bless thee!

I found this poem earlier this week, and have to say that it really impressed me. It reflects my present frame of mind.

This month I was in the theatre twice. First play, ‘Klątwa’ of Wyspiański, was very disappointing. Never once during the whole spectacle was I particularly interested. It was long and monotonous. Long moments of silence and lack of any greater action made me concentrate on my thoughts rather than the play. I don’t recommend.

*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*

Second one was ‘Śmierć człowieka-wiewiórki’. The play was something new, something I have never came across before. It was also hard to understand. I am not an expert on the post-war reality nor do I know much about the story of Ulrike Meinhof and Andreas Baader who fought for New Germany. I admit I didn’t understand the play. However, I did enjoy it on some level.

*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*

In March I am going to watch ‘Three Sisters’ by Czechow. But unlike other times, this one I am going to read the book before seeing the play. I do not plan on trying to understand what is going on through the whole spectacle, but simply enjoy and think about a message the author wanted us, spectators, to receive.

*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*

I have to say that theatre does not excite me as much as philharmonic does. I was only once on a musical spectacle and it really impressed me. The music, the sheer power coming out of the players – it’s incredible! You have to experience it yourself! This first time I shed tears. Too much emotions invaded me and I just cracked. Never before the theatre did that to me. It must be because I’m more open to music than words.

Sometimes the world around you seems very unreal. You experience this feeling of unease and confusion. There is a moment when you ask yourself- what am I?

Existential fears are very common in one’s youth. They appear to be omnipresent, squashing you, imprisoning. And the only way to escape these feelings is to accept the world as it is, do not ask questions that will never be answered, lose yourself in everyday life. With time, the fear will not be as intimidating, as frequent.

But is it really worth it?

Not my first but second attempt to write on this website. Previously I wrote as Ellie and failed miserably. Some time after I registered, I stopped writing. There were many reasons, on which I don’t wish to ponder here but the main facts remain- I stopped and now I’m going to try writing again.

-----------------------------------------

This year I will find myself sitting on A- Level exams.

I’m terrified.

I’m confused.

And I’m absolutely not sure of my decisions regarding future career as a student.

I tell you- this year is going to bring me a lot of headaches.

I just wish for all of this confusion and indecisiveness to end. Maybe praying to God for a bit of peace will help.

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Język angielski matura z angielskiego Gramatyka angielska

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A POISON TREE
by: William Blake (1757-1827)

I was angry with my friend:
I told my wrath, my wrath did end.
I was angry with my foe:
I told it not, my wrath did grow.

And I watered it in fears,
Night and morning with my tears;
And I sunnèd it with smiles,
And with soft deceitful wiles.

And it grew both day and night,
Till it bore an apple bright;
And my foe beheld it shine,
And he knew that it was mine,

And into my garden stole,
When the night had veiled the pole:
In the morning glad I see
My foe outstretched beneath the tree.